Gusto mo bang tumawa?

Street Vendor : "bili na kayo ng relo! gold watch ito! pag namuti, white gold! pag huminto stopwatch!"

gf : hu hu hu hu bakit natin ginawa ito? hindi na ako virgin at dalawang beses pa natin ginawa! bf : ano? isa lang ah?!

gf : bakit, hindi na ba natin uulitin mamaya?!

Couple talking: wife : hon, paki fix naman ilaw sa labas.

husband : hello!? electrician ba ako?

wife : eh di pkigawa na lang hagdan natin.

husband : hello!? karpintero ba ako? umalis c husband, pagbalik gawa na lahat ng sira sa bahay. tinanong niya wife kung sino gumawa ng trabaho.

wife : kasi kanina a man saw me crying, sabi ko dami sira dito sa bahay. so he offered to help in exhange of either sex or bake ako ng cake.

husband : so pnag-bake mo siya ng cake?

wife : hello?! baker ba ako?!

ANG MARRIED LIFE.... May isang intsik na sa sobrang hilig sa karaoke ay inabot ng 5 am. Dahil sa takot mabugbog ni misis, nag-text ng: "HUWAG KA BAYAD RANSOM. NAKATAKAS AKO. UWI NA KO!"

Husband: "Paratina lang tayo away! Maghiwalay na lang tayo!"

Wife: "Sige, maghati tayo ng mga anak!"

Husband: "Akin ang mga guwapo at maganda!"

Wife: "Sus! Pinili pa yung hindi kanya!"

Sa harap ng nursery window;

Friend: Pare, pag laki ng anak mo, am sure magaling mag-drive

Dad: Bakit, pare, malaki ba ang kamay?

Friend: Hindi. Kasi kamukha siya ng driver ninyo!

Husband came home from church, suddenly lifted his wife and carried her.

Wife: Why? Did the Pastor tell you to be romantic like this?

Husband: No! He told me to carry my cross!

Friend: "Wow, pare, ganda ng sapatos mo, ah!"

Husband: "Oo. Surprise gift ng kumare mo!"

Friend: "Surprise? Ano occassion?"

Husband: "Wala. Nakita ko na lang sa ilalim ng kama namin kagabi!"

Health Advisory: "Beer contains female hormones, and can turn men into women. After 5 pints.... men become talkative, unreasonable, irritable, cry for nothing, and urinate while sitting!"

WIFE: I'm warning you! Parating na husband ko in 1 hour!

HANDSOME VISITOR: Wala naman akong ginawang masama ah?

WIFE: kaya nga! kung may balak ka, GAWIN MONA!!!

WIFE: Himala! aga mong umuwi ngayon.

HUSBAND: Sunod ko lang utos ng boss ko. Sabi nya "GO TO HELL", kaya ito uwi agad ako..

Wife: Lab, may taning na ang buhay ko. Huling gabi ko na to, let's make love.

Husband: Heh! tumigil ka nga. Maaga pa akong gigising bukas, buti ikaw, hindi na.

Population policies of countries: :

China Stop at 1 child.

Singapore : Stop at 2 children

Phil: STOP AT 4 A.M.!

RUSSIAN: we're 1st in space

USA : we're 1st in the moon

ERAP: we'll be the 1st in the sun

USA: you can't go there, you'll burn

ERAP: we're not stupid, we'll go there at NIGHT!

Ano kadalasan ang sinasabi kapag nautot?

American: Excuse me.

British: Pardon me.

Pinoy: NOT ME!

"SUMPA" Hindi na makakatikim ng napakasarap na 'Sex' ang huling bumasa nito! Ayos safe na ako...papayag ka bang IKAW ang huling babasa nito? hehehe!!!